Top 10 Horror Movies

In case you didn't notice by the title, this post is my random one of the week. I've always been a huge fan of things that scare the shit out of me, and I'm definitely in the "Halloween Spirit." You get copious amounts of junk food and the most wickedly awesome movies are on TV in an endless loop. This got me thinking what my favorite horror movies of all time are. I have an affinity for zombie movies, which is why the following list includes several. While I did enjoy the Freddy and Jason movies.. I can't put them on this list in good faith. Also, I know that there are a whole bunch of old school 1930-1960's movies that might have scared people back when Lambeau and Lombardi were coaching, but I'm not going to add them for retro's sake. These aren't in any number order, and I know there are many I didn't add, but whatever, just enjoy the reviews and sweet videos, ok?!

10) The Ring (2002)



I was a little hesitant putting this American remake of the Japanese thriller "Ringu." But creepy kids scare the bejeesus out of me, and no one can tell me that the scene at the end where Samara crawls out of the TV isn't the scariest shit you've ever seen. The unfortunate side of making a badass horror movie is the inevitable crappy rip-offs that happen afterwords (The Grudge). The above video is the famous coming out of the TV scene.

9) The Monster Squad (1987)



Any true child of the 1980's has a special place in his/her heart for this classic. The greatest line of the movie, which thanks to the miracle of Youtube I've added to this post "Whoa... Wolfman has nards!" Bravo, sir, bravo!

8) Hostel (2005)



This movie includes drinking, mind altering substances, naked co-eds, and Amsterdam... and thats only the first 30 minutes! After that this flick gets crazy with some extremely disturbing horror scenes and one of the greatest revenge endings ever, if you're into that sorta thing. This was Eli Roth's follow up to "Cabin Fever" which is a pretty damn good movie that just missed this list. Above is another crazy fan-made music video with random clips.

7) Poltergeist (1982)



"They're here!" I don't know what it is about this flick, but every flippin' time its on TV I have to watch it. And it is on A LOT! I mean seriously, who builds houses over a graveyard... oh yeah Americans, that's who! The thing that kills me every time I watch it is why in God's name didn't the family move out after the whole rescuing their daughter after being abducted by angry ghosts thing. They got what they deserve, which was a) for the son - an ass-kicking by his clown toy b) for the wife - being "Ike Turner-ed" on her bedroom ceiling c) for poor Carol Anne - almost being abducted AGAIN! Its a good thing the guy from "Coach" was around to drive his family away... oh yeah, except for his daughter who he peels away from screaming in the street (probably the funniest part of the whole movie).


6) Shaun of the Dead (2003)



Your typical romantic comedy. Did I mention the thousands of zombies? I don't think any other movie has juggled hilarity and the seriousness of a zombie apocalypse at the same time as well as this movie does. The above video is another fan creation with the appropriate tune "End of the World" by REM.

5) The Exorcist (1973)



Arguable the scariest move ever. Any horror movie that creates as much mayhem and later turned Linda Blair into a whore is ok in my book. The reception the Exorcist received (taken from Wikipedia) sums up how ridiculously rad this movie is:

The film was a huge international hit in 1973, becoming the highest-grossing film of the year. To date, it has a total gross of $402,500,000 worldwide; if adjusted for inflation, this would be the top-grossing R-rated film of all time. It was nominated for ten Academy Awards, including Best Picture, and also won four Golden Globes, including the award for Best Picture – Drama for the year 1974 .When released in 1973, some theatre patrons reportedly screamed and fainted while viewing the film, requiring paramedics to be called to theaters. Theaters provided "Exorcist barf bags". A filmgoer who saw the movie in 1974 during its original release fainted and broke his jaw on the seat in front of him.

Barfbags and broken jaws?!? Damn!

4) Dawn of the Dead (Remake, 2004)



Like my good friend Will, a lot of people can't stand the "running at you full speed zombies." I think its a cool twist, but not something I'd like in every zombie movie. Anyway, this remake was outstanding in my opinion. Any time a movie can have a zombie baby in it, i'll watch. This isn't as good as the original, but it does take place in Wisconsin! The above video is from the intensely rad intro, which includes the music of "When the Man Comes Around" by Johnny Cash.

3) Entire "Evil Dead" Series (Evil Dead - 1983, Evil Dead II - 1987, Army of Darkness - 1992)



I know its a cop-out to add the whole series here, but unlike the Romero flicks where each one stands on its own, I look at the Evil Dead series as a complete work. The world was introduced to the ass-kicker that is Bruce Campbell in 1981 (most recently the maitre de in "Spiderman 3") and the greatest one-liners that American cinema has ever seen. Just watch the corresponding video.

2) Night of the Living Dead (1968)



"They're coming to get you Barbara!" Pretty much all the "rules" to true zombie fans (they're slow moving, can only be killed by a shot to the dome, can infect you with merely a bite, etc.) came from this movie. There are so many things you can appreciate about George Romero's first masterpiece: the low budget ($114,000), one of the best soundtrack themes, the grainy black/white huess, and an intense claustrophobic atmosphere. Like all good Romero flicks, there is plenty of background social commentary in NOTLD (in this case, racism). Unfortunately, George Romero didn't know much about copyright laws, and didn't retain the rights to this classic, which is why you can buy it at the bargain bin of almost any movie store. He made a crappier version in 1990 to capitalize on his original idea. The absence of the 1990 attempt from this list should say something about my opinion of it. The video is a fan-made tribute with the music of "Kashmir" by Led Zeppelin of course!

1) Dawn of the Dead (1978)



"When there's no more room in hell... the dead will walk the earth." I could write an entire blog about the 881,986,771 asses this movie kicks. Take a crumbling society, a mall, four survivors, an unlimited amount of the undead, enter a paramilitary militia (led by famous special-fx master Tom Savini) and watch the insanity ensue. I always thought holing up in a mall would be pretty sweet, considering all the cool toys you could play with. The above video is one of the best compilation music video tributes I've seen.

Cavemen Like the Pack

Quote of the Day (So far)

I found this on The Denver Post, in an article written by Mark Kiszla (Link). I think it pretty much sums everything up.

Denver cornerback Dré Bly admitted he never saw the lightning bolt from the gray-bearded NFL god that hit him. Old Favre remains so stupid good, the veteran can make even a shutdown corner look like an oxymoron.

Live Blog: Packers versus Donkeys

Pregame:

Here are my thoughts so far... Steve Young is part Vulcan (in case you didn't get that, look at the guy's ears). Bill Parcells is much more amiable as a prognosticator then as a coach. Emmitt Smith graduated from the University of Florida, but apparently never took an English class... it is just painful to listen to the guy. I'm already sick of hearing about this week's Pats-Colts game. I'm even more sick about hearing how the Packers won't go far without a running game.

Holy shit, Keyshawn just made an outstanding point about the Packers offense. He actually praised our passing offense and said we'll find a way to run when it gets colder.

The phrase "Spygate" is contrived and annoying.

Emmitt Smith just said that the Skins "got blowed out." Not sure what he's getting at...

Stuart Scott's eyes are in a battle of epic proportions against each other.

I know that I'm a little too snarky sometimes, but that was a helluva piece that ESPN put together about Donald Driver. How can you not love this guy?

They just showed Brett Favre mic-ed up for the Vikings game. He's a cool cat.

Ryan Grant should get some carries tonight. I think he'll make some plays. I'm serious...

Ok thats it for the Pregame bloggage... its gametime. Lets kick the tires and light the fires big daddy!

First Quarter:

Gametime in 5 minutes... in case you kids need something to pump you up, click here for a pretty rad song to get you going: http://gvsbchris.com/letsrunthis.mp3

Oh no... Emmitt Smith AND Keyshawn Johnson chose the Pack to win. Everyone throw salt over your shoulder now!

Alright folks... kickoff after commercial. Deanna Favre will join the Motley Crew that is the Monday Night Football announcing team tonight. She's the number one MILF in the NFL in my opinion!

Denver started with the ball, got a couple first downs and ran a bunch of maximum protection plays. No way they get away with that all game unless they call more play action plays. Defense bends but doesn't break and the Pack gets the ball back on the twenty.

Jennings drops the ball and the Packers punt.. good kick, but a decent return by the Donkeys.
Donkeys proceed to move the ball thanks to a lot of time in the pocket for Cutler plus two big penalties on Atari Bigby. Oh, and he also allowed the touchdown pass. Oh well...

Who says Brett's having trouble with the long ball?!?? James Jones laughs at Champ Bailey for a 79 yard pass. And to make things even better one of the refs got hurt! 7-7 Packers. Game on kids!

A couple of ticky-tack calls against the D plus a well timed screen and the Broncos are inside the 2 yard line. End of the 1st quarter... buckle in kids, this looks like its gonna be a shootout.


Second Quarter:


First play of the 2nd quarter.. Cutler helps us out and fumbles the ball, Packers ball. Big break there.

Yes, I am a prophet.. Dorsey Levens err... Ryan Grant is having a breakout day. The Packers drive the ball 98 yards and take the field goal. On a positive note, Crosby is on my fantasy team. 10-7 Good Guys.

Deanna Favre in the booth. I love her.. anyway no comments about Cutlers "laser arm" from Jaws as he one hops two passes in a row. Broncos go three and out. I love you Deanna!

Ryan Grant is outstanding, Deanna Favre is more interested in the game then the interview (which I love), Greg Jennings redeems himself with a nice catch and run, Nick "Turd" Ferguson contributes a facemask penalty, two unacceptable false start penalties (against Moll and Clifton), and Favre misses a wide open Donald Driver in the end zone. Mason Crosby hits his second field goal to put the Pack up at a kind of annoying 13-7 lead.

The Broncos promptly goes three and out, mostly due to a sick one handed sack by Aaron Kampman, Packers ball with 19 seconds left.

The refs make sure to call two more holding penalties against the Pack before halftime. Favre takes the knee as the Good Guys take a 13-7 lead into halftime. I have to pee...

Third Quarter:

The Pack gets a couple first downs then Favre, Grant, and Morency all fall down and punt the ball back to the Donkeys. Ryan kicks it about 80 yards, but through the back of the end zone. Denver ball on the 20.

The Packers make some dumb penalties. The Broncos return the favor and Aaron Kampman is still a stud. Jason Elam nails a field goal to make this a 13-10 game. Packers offense needs a touchdown here.

Brett Favre continues to pick apart the outside of the field. The Packers are driving and the 3rd quarter is over. Good guys still up 13-10.

Fourth Quarter:

Alright boys and girls... its money time. The Pack needs a score here to make this a two score game. Brett fumbles the ball on 3rd down. This is starting to look a lot like the Bears game. Hopefully the defense can step it up.

Holy smokes, a 48 yard run called back on a phantom holding penalty, Kampman gets his third sack of the game, Bigby kicks the ball for the Packers 92nd penalty, and the Broncos punt instead of letting all time great Jason Elam try a 55 yard field goal. Nice punt, though, and the Pack gets the ball back inside the 5. Pheewwwww...

A couple nice passes by Brett. He's 10-11 in the 2nd half, but we have ZERO points to show for it. Lets punt the ball again and the Broncos get the ball at the 6. Huge huge huge huge huge defensive series here for Green Bay.

Like I said, it looks like the Bears game. The Packers D almost gives it away, but the Broncos tie it up at 0:00.. lets go to OT.

Overtime:

Great, we play solid all night, but keep Denver in the game. The ball is in #4's hands. Hopefully the old man has something left tonight.

AND THERE IS YOUR DAGGER!!!! 82 YARD TOUCHDOWN TO GREG JENNINGS! PACKERS WIN! PACKERS WIN!

I don't know if I can take much more of this, but I'll do my damndest. This win feels pretty damn good!

Fever Pitch

Congrats to the Red Sox. Boston just wrapped this series up in the always embarrassing four game sweep. For some reason it didn't seem like that big a deal. I'm sure there are tons of hammered Bostonians who'd disagree, but even for a World Series sweep there was something missing. Who knows... and to be honest I don't really care. Anything that causes Yankees fans to cry makes me happy!

However, the "Fever Pitch" title of this post has nothing to do with the Red Sox or that crappy movie with the always annoying Jimmy Fallon. Finally.. finally the Packers are back after what's seemed like the longest bye week in recent memory. I was in Chicago over the weekend, and got back to sunny Florida just in time to catch the Bears and Vikings both lose in close games. A lot of people have been telling me I was supposed to root for the Lions due to the fact that they have a better record. I considered it, but just could do it. It was nice to see that Brian Griese realized he was... well Brian Griese by throwing four INT's today. The Bears snatching defeat from the jaws of victory was almost as fun as watching the terrible two-some of Kelly Holcomb and Brooks Bollinger stink it up for the Queens.

Anyway, enough about the kids, lets talk about the grownups now. The Pack should be ready to roll tomorrow. This is an opportunity for Green Bay to give guys like Dr. Z from Sports Illustrated a swift kick in the junk for ranking the friggin GIANTS ahead of them in this week's power rankings. I can't stand that leathery, cranky, negative piece of shit. This is the guy who wrote a couple years ago that #4 was tarnishing his legacy and might not be a first ballot Hall of Famer. This is also the same guy who is losing his 2007 predictions to a dopey supermodel. Let me stop for a second and consider this paradox. The Packers "sharted" on the Giants 35-13 at New York. The Packers have a better record then the Giants. The Packers' opponents have a better record then the Giants opponents. So how the hell does this equal New York being a better team?! I try not to get wrapped up in power rankings, but this is the epitome of the East Coast bias in sports. Dr. Z wasn't the only douchebox to rank us below New York. ESPN joined in on the douchery. Oh well, lets kick some Bronco ass on Monday night I don't care if Champ Bailey is an All-Galaxy cornerback and Mike Shanahan can call as many last second timeouts as he wants, the Packers will win this one big. I predict a repeat score of the early season Giants' game that I referenced earlier: 35-13. Remember to make fun of the Broncos D-bags ..... and for all you "Big Lebowski" fans out there, you should know NEVER to f#*k with the Jesus!

Grumpy Ol' Bear

Yours truly is in the Windy City this weekend for a family get-together. One of my favorite aspects of being in enemy territory is to read the local sports section. Even though the Bears are coming off a last second win over the Eagles last weekend, all is not well in Care Bears land. Paris Hilton's ex-boyfriend, Brian Urlacher, is throwing a little temper tantrum by not speaking enough to the Chicago media. Read for yourself: This is what we get from Urlacher?
I don't see what the problem is, he seems completely content in this picture.

Trolling Trash

One of our readers emailed me a link to the Donkeys' fan forum where they are extremely proud of themselves. Here's the link if you feel like bringing these toolboxes back down to earth: http://forums.denverbroncos.com/showthread.php?t=104333

Bandwagon Minnesota Fans

Funny stuff. This song is by Chris Hockey from KFAN, which is a Minnesota sports affiliate of the Vikings. I don't think I could have put it any better myself!

Hating Your Enemy: Broncos Edition

*The above picture was taken from Packer Palace.

Its time for some good old fashioned hatred of this week's opponent, the Denver Broncos. Lets jump right into it!

D-bag #1 - Travis "Where's Daddy" Henry

This dude is a phenomenon all to himself. A lot of Packers fans who think they're amateur G.M.'s were begging TT to sign this worthless pud in free agency. It's pretty obvious that it was a good move he's not playing in Green Bay. He has 9 illegitimate children from 9 women in at least 4 different states. Thats dedication people! Here's a funny article titled "Travis Henry Having Problems Understanding Sex Without A Condom."
Despite his multi-million dollar salary, he was almost locked up for not paying $10k in cihld support.
If that wasn't enough, Henry reportedly failed a recent drug test. This will be his third offense. He has a November court date set up to dispute the results, but all signs point to an impending one year suspension. At least he'll be able to spend quality time with the army he's been procreating.

D-bag #2 - Brandon Marshall

Back in March, this guy was arrested for false imprisonment and suspicion of domestic violence. I'm not saying he's guilty, but in cases such as these, where there's smoke there's usually fire. Late Sunday night/early Monday morning after the Steelers game, Marshall boozed it up too much and was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving. Maybe Koren Robinson can give him some pointers, but by looks of his mug-shots he doesn't look like there's a lot going on between the ears.


D-bag #3 - Jay "Cooter" Cutler


Cutler has never really done anything specific to bug me, but the smug look thats permanently on his face is cause for him to be on this list. Also, a high school teammate of mine backed him up at Vanderbilt and said he was a jerk, which is good enough for me. I bet he thinks Larry the Cable guys is extremely witty and "groud-breaking."






D-bag #4 - Mike "Rat-face" Shanahan

The most narcissistic coach this side of Bill Belichick. Furthermore, Shanahan unleashed the extremely annoying and unsportsmanlike practice of calling a time-out just as the opposing team is snapping the ball for a game winning field goal.





D-bag #5 - Javon Walker

Do I really have to elaborate? After strong-arming his way out of Green Bay and getting the big money contract from the Broncos that he was looking for, you think Walker would have been happy. Of course not. At the onset of the 2006 season, when asked if he missed playing in Green Bay he responded:

“Obviously, we have a chance to be a Super Bowl team. Obviously, they have a chance to win four games.”

What a dick (By the way, we won eight games last year... so there!). Of course, he re-injured his knee and is out indefinitely this year for the 3-3 Broncos. I'm hoping for many sideline shots of him looking upset. Karma's a bitch! On the bright side, we drafted Greg Jennings with the pick we received from Denver last year. So thanks, buddy!



There's some ammunition for you. Go get 'em!

More Bitching and Moaning Fan Videos

Before I get into todays post, I'll admit my Week 7 predictions were slightly off. I'm 7-6 going into tonight's game. Yes, I picked the Pats to go down due to the poetic justice of the Dolphins being winless, but I've come to the conclusion that the Patriots sold their souls to Satan sometime in 2001.
Anyway, last week's "Redskins Fans are Whiners" post inspired me to do scour Youtube for the downright whiniest fan videos of Week 7 in the NFL. Along the way, I realized some of the most pathetic ones that I found were from the fans of the WINNING teams. Be prepared, you are about to witness some unprecedented douchiness.

This is what I imagine when I think of a Bears fan. Wait a second.. Holy shit! Is that Screech from Saved by the Bell? I'm pretty sure that this guy's mom still picks out his clothes for him every day. And is that a parakeet or hamster cage in the background?!? Perfect!



This is my second favorite video that I've found. I haven't seen this guy post anything recently, but he embodies everything that the Dallas Cowboys stand for: "Unibrows" and terribly formed mustaches AKA "Crust-aches." And thats a sweet 15" Magnivox TV set circa 1991!



Here's a typical Eagles fan bitching and moaning.



This is a not-so-surprising phenomenon. Dallas Cowboys fans being arrogant assholes. In case you haven't noticed, the suburban white boy "wanna be thug" thing annoys the shit out of me. This guy goes in and out of sounding like he's from the hood. Anyway, remember videos like this when Dallas crashes and burns at the end of the season.



Another video of an Eagles fan near tears. I don't understand why on Earth you'd post this for everyone to see. This kid seems like a nice enough guy, but this is just embarrassing.



Now these last two videos I can't embed into this post, because the poster wisely disabled that function on Youtube. However, I'll provide you with the links and I implore you to check these out. As this blog is named, I'm a big fan of booze and broads, but the two should never be mixed if this skank is involved. This girl is in one word awful. I have no idea who she's a fan of or if she's even talking about football. Maybe my attention was on all of the garbage that's inexplicably placed behind her. I'm also 99.9% sure that she has herpes on her lip.... YIKES!

During Eagles game: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgAIRzg6WXc
After Eagles game: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwsdMCdjjtA


That's it for now. If you've ever made the mistake of hooking up with the girl above, click here for help.

Packer's Legend Max McGee passes away

While writing the last post about my Week 7 predictions, I noticed on the ESPN ticker that Max McGee had passed away. I usually don't post very serious subjects, but the death of Packers legend Max McGee is an exception. McGee died late Saturday afternoon after falling off the roof of his Deephaven home.
Max wasn't the typical Vince Lombardi player. He was known for his late night shenanigans, highlighted by a late night escapade the night before Super Bowl I, that Johnny "Blood" McNally would have been proud of. Below is an article written in by John Wiebusch (AOL Sports), which tells the tale. Max McGee is a shining example of everything this website stands for: "Green Bay, Booze, and Broads!" Here's to you, Max!

The morning sun was peeking its nose over the palm trees on Sunset Boulevard and the still-lit neon lights of the Whiskey-a-Go-Go were almost surreal in the early morning glow of Jan. 15, 1967.

Max McGee, wide receiver for the Green Bay Packers and man about town in every town he passed through, was saying good night and/or good morning - it all depended on your point of view - to three full-figured stewardesses, two in the fashion rage of the day - hot pants - and one in a mini-skirt.

"Ladies," McGee went on, "it’s been a festival, as always. You are all too beautiful for words. I only hope that I more than made up for the disappointment of Paul Hornung not being here."

"Oh, Max, you were just WON-derful," said the one in pink leather hot pants.

They hugged him and he squeezed back as three cabs arrived - one to take one of the stews to her day job in the friendly skies, another to take the other two home. McGee slipped $20 bills into the cabbies' hands.

The third cab would take Max McGee back to his day job, momentarily operating out of the Hilton Hotel on Wilshire Boulevard, near downtown Los Angeles and a 10-minute ride from the Los Angeles Coliseum, where the pro football team for whom he played, the Green Bay Packers, would meet the Kansas City Chiefs that afternoon for bragging rights in pro football.

Forty-five minutes later, Max McGee was running a screen pattern through the lobby of the Hilton, using potted plants and pillars as his cover to avoid the one man he did not want to see - head coach Vince Lombardi.

Not that Lombardi would have been too shocked. He had caught McGee many times over the years, usually along with his running mate, Paul Hornung. This time - in a reverse shocker of equal proportions - Hornung had decided not to go out on game-day eve.

Los Angeles was Hornung’s favorite city in all the world - it had an endless buffet of females - but he was getting married on the Wednesday after the big game and, well, the famous Golden Boy wanted to save himself.

McGee made it to the elevators, unseen. He hit the eighth-floor button. Home free!

It was going on 8 o’clock and Hornung was stretching out of a sound sleep when McGee entered the room.

"Tell me all about it, Max," Hornung said. "Like I was there, m’man!"

He had not seen McGee since bed check at 11:30 p.m., when Max, fully dressed, was huddled under the covers, waiting for a Packers assistant coach to look inside the room.

As soon as the coach checked in, McGee checked out - and no amount of pleading by McGee could get Hornung to change his mind and join him.

Now, in the morning, they sat on the sides of their beds and McGee told Horning tales of the Sunset Strip and the three high flyers who knew both of them.

Hornung whistled. "We’d better get down to team breakfast," he said. "Get some coffee into you. Buses leave for the stadium in an hour." It was almost 8:30.

McGee, 34, had not slept a wink except in the cab ride back to the hotel, but then he figured he’d get plenty of rest on the bench during the game against the Chiefs.

	McGee by the Numbers
	7 Number of catches in Super Bowl I 138 yards Receiving yards in first Super Bowl 2 TD receptions in first Super Bowl 1 Number of catches in Super Bowl II 12 Seasons with the Packers 345 Career catches 50 Career TD receptions Photo: SI | Source: superbowl.com, www.pro-football-reference.com

From 1958-1964, McGee was one of the NFL’s best wide receivers, but injuries had limited him to 10 catches in 1965 and only four in 1966. Boyd Dowler had become quarterback Bart Starr’s favorite target.

Hornung was three years younger than McGee, but his career had followed a similar trajectory. He led the league in scoring in 1959-1961 - there are those who would tell you that Paul Hornung led the league in scoring every year - and he was, with the Giants’ Frank Gifford, a true Golden Boy of the game, but injuries savaged him and, in 1966, a pinched nerve in his neck had resulted in arm weakness that limited him to 200 rush yards. He had not been the Packers' kicker for years.

No, Hornung and McGee figured to have plenty of time to themselves on the Green Bay bench, plenty of time to check out the action in the always attractive Coliseum crowd, plenty of time to talk about Hornung’s wedding, which was three days away.

The Packers' breakfast room air was thick with tension. The prestige of the old-line NFL was threatened by the AFL’s new kids on the block. To lose to anyone, ever, was unthinkable to Lombardi. To think of losing to these punks was beyond comprehension.

Lombardi liked having Hornung and McGee around because they usually kept the team loose, but, on this morning, Hornung’s wisecracks were minimal and McGee avoided even eye contact lest the Visine had failed to do the job (much less the Listerine and the Folgers).

"My dad had the best spy network in the history of football spy networks," says Vince Lombardi, Jr., then a young law student on the scene. "But I know he never was wise to Max being out on the town all night. Max got away with a big one!"

In the pre-game warm-ups, McGee and Horning gave it a half-effort. "I don’t think I did any stretching," McGee says. "Why would I bother?"

On the third play of the game, as Hornung and McGee literally were planning the Monday night wedding rehearsal dinner, they heard the gravel voice of Lombardi yelling, "McGee, McGee, get your ass in there!"

Dowler had separated a shoulder, and McGee, a man who had anything but football on his brain barely six hours earlier, suddenly was thrust into the primary spotlight of the biggest game of his career - one that later would be christened Super Bowl I.

But when McGee got up to go into the game, he couldn't find his helmet. He didn't remember seeing it the pre-game - and he didn’t worry about it because of course he wasn’t going to play anyway, was he? Now he grabbed a helmet that belonged to a reserve defensive lineman... and, with no potted plants or pillars in his way, got his ass into the game.

A couple minutes later, he scored on a spectacular 37-yard pass from Starr. The normally pinpoint quarterback threw the ball short and behind McGee, who reached behind his body with his right hand to make a one-hand catch.

When McGee came back to the bench, he said to Hornung, "Hey, if Bart throws me the ball, I know I can win the damned car!" Sport magazine was offering a 1967 Corvette to the game’s most valuable player.

McGee was unconscious - literally and figuratively - and he made one crucial catch after another all day, including a 13-yard collaboration with Starr in the third quarter that gave Green Bay a 28-10 advantage,

McGee's second touchdown catch was nearly as amazing as his first. He was hit hard before catching a strike from Starr, which he juggled before securing it against his body,

In the end, the Packers were supreme 35-10, and the man about town had seven catches for 138 yards and two touchdowns. Starr, the family man about his house, had nine other completions for 108 additional yards, and no more touchdowns.

The Corvette went to the quarterback.

"They should have given two, m’man," Hornung said to McGee.

The Golden Boy joined in the wild celebration - and he would get a full-share winner’s check of $15,000 - but he never saw any action because of his arm and neck injuries.

Late in the game, Lombardi had come to Hornung and asked him if he wanted to go in so he could say he had played in the first Super Bowl. Hornung had declined.

The former Heisman Trophy winner, Notre Dame All-America, overall No. 1 draft choice, and two-time NFL MVP had too much pride to simply make a cursory appearance.

McGee got a winner’s share, too, and it was a major dividend to his non-marquee income. He laughed about it with the press in the Packers' locker room.

With impish tongue in cheek he said of Starr’s first touchdown pass, "You pay a quarterback a hundred thousand a year, you expect him to throw it a little better to a twenty-five thousand dollar end. I thought the ball was going to be intercepted. I was trying to knock it down... and it stuck to my hand."

"And were you trying to make the second score look tough, too?" asked a man with a notepad.

McGee laughed. "Make it look tough? I’d just got my bell rung. Lucky I held onto it."

"Your best day ever?" someone shouted from the back of the pack.

"I’ve had better days," McGee said. "But I never timed one better."

Lombardi had hugged him on the field when it was over, but the coach made another stop by McGee and Hornung’s adjoining cubicles later. The coach was returning to Green Bay on the team charter.

"Thanks again, Max," Lombardi said. "And Paulie" He hugged both men together, awkwardly, his eyes misty.

They all knew an era that had begun in 1959 when Lombardi came to Green Bay was in decline.

Lombardi would last one more season, win one more Super Bowl, and then step aside as Packers' coach. McGee would play that 1967 season with Green Bay and would leave the bench long enough to catch a total of only three passes, with no touchdowns. Hornung would go to New Orleans in the 1967 expansion draft but he never would play for the Saints - or for anyone else - because his arm and neck injuries would not get better.

In the Coliseum locker room, an emotional Lombardi offered his jack-o-lantern smile and added, "Max, you get this no-good to the church on time Wednesday. And the two of you -try to get some goddamn sleep between now and then, okay?”

Did he really know about last night, McGee wondered to himself. No matter!

The wedding rehearsal dinner Monday night was at Chasen’s, then one of the top restaurants in Los Angeles. McGee, who would be the best man Wednesday, picked up the $3,000 tab.

And, sleep deprived again, McGee managed to get Hornung to the Beverly Hills church on time on Wednesday.

The marriage that took place that day "had failure written all over it from the start," Hornung writes in 'Golden Boy'.

The marriage survived 12 years - on paper - but a 1979 marriage that came when he was 43 has lasted almost 26 years. McGee, 72, has been married twice and has two sons.

And in case you’re wondering whether Max McGee could afford to pick up that $3,000 wedding rehearsal dinner check 38 years ago... be assured that, even though it was a lot of money at the time... he could.

He always has been a man with a Midas investment touch, and his later forays into the restaurant business made him a mega-millionaire.

Hornung has his share of high finance success stories, but the penultimate day of his post-Packer life came on August 3, 1986, when he was inducted into the Hall of Fame.

His presenter that summer afternoon was - no surprise - one Max McGee, who said, "I lived with this guy for 10 years and I have been a best buddy for 30 years... this is the easiest chore I ever have had in my life."

And did the two of them, uh, break curfew the night before the ceremony? Did either of them have to sneak through the hotel lobby at dawn?

Hornung laughs. "Vince would have been proud," he says, "These two 50-some guys were in their rooms by 12:30.

"Of course there were a few toasts throughout the evening... and more than a few of them were to him."

Week 7

I'm pretty hung over today, so this will be brief.
Oh.... the NFL bye week. It allows me to catch up on things such as well.. my job. I've also learned a lot about the outstanding tradition that is "LARP-ing." I wasn't really into the college games yesterday. Yes the Badgers won 44-3 over some Division XXII team or something, but besides that the best game was the Baseball ALCS. I'm kind of torn who I'm rooting for, the Red Sox or Indians. I've always respected the blue collar, bearded Red Sox, but it seems that their fans have rapidly become Yankee-esque. The Red Sox and Patriots have had entirely too much success for their own good lately, so I've gotta root for those Indians.
Ok, on to Week 7 of the NFL. Its a little sad that the Pack won't be suiting up, but my Sunday will be a lot less stressful. Here are my picks (winners in bold):

Baltimore at Buffalo

I wanted to pick Buffalo at home for the upset, but their quarterback is Trent Edwards... ouch!

San Francisco at NY Giants

After the game, Vernon Davis says he was "just kidding" about being relieved that the Packers select him in the 2006 draft.

New England at Miami

Upset of the year. Poetic Justice as the 0-6 Dolphins defeat the 6-0 Pats.

Tennessee at Houston

The Houston defense will give VY all sorts of problems. Keep an eye on Houston WR Kevin Walter.

Tampa Bay at Detroit

Tampa Bay is the most overrated team in the NFC.

Atlanta at New Orleans

The return of my favorite QB from my alma mater.. Byron Leftwich. Too bad he sucks. Keep an eye on New Orleans WR Lance Moore.

Arizona at Washington

Campbell realizes he doesn't have to face Green Bay's defense and has a career day.

Kansas City at Oakland

Wow... I'd rather mow the lawn then watch this stinkfest. Kansas City, I guess.

NY Jets at Cincinnati

The Bengals are way too talented to suck this much so far.

Minnesota at Dallas

I almost want to root for the Queens here, as the Pack is competing for the NFC's best record, but I just can't do it. I'm sick of seeing Romo's shit eating grin, though.

Chicago at Philadelphia

This has blowout written all over it. Philly by at least 20 points.

St. Louis at Seattle

Seattle likes to play down to the opponent's level.

Pittsburgh at Denver

No Walker, no run defense, no win for Shanahan.

Indianapolis at Jacksonville

I almost picked Jacksonville here, but I don't see them repeating last year's upset of Indy. This is also the "trendy" upset pick. Being trendy pisses me off.

More Bye Week Randomness

If you're looking for Green Bay Packers news today, this isn't the place, sorry. Its the bye week so its time for me to make fun of other people's lifestyles!
I came across this gem a while ago, and felt like I should share. Did you ever wonder what happened to that really awkward kid in high school who was still really into Dungeons and Dragons and dressed in Goth (see yesterday's post)? Well, I don't know what the hell happened to him, but there are tons of nerds running around pretending to fight each other. They call this "LARP-ing." It stands for "Live Action Role Playing." LARP-ing can take many forms, but is usually dorks dressed as wizards, trolls, dwarves, and apparently (as the picture above shows) ninjas! Yes, this is hilarious as it sounds. I'm not sure if group fondling follows the "battles," but for comedy's sake I hope it does. Thanks to the beauty of Youtube, you can witness one of these epic battles. My favorite part is 17 seconds in when the dwarf gets rocked. Brace yourself, things get out of hand extremely quickly. The end is similar to a GWAR video.


Oh don't worry I'm not done yet! "LIGHTNING BOLT LIGHTNING BOLT!"



Now check it out with super-cool special effects!


God bless you guys... God bless you.

Anyway, thats it for today, I'll have more crap posted tomorrow.

Bye Week Randomness

For the 10 people who voted on the poll I had up last week, umm.. thanks! The question was what random topic would you like me to comment on. The options were "Things that annoy me," "My dog Fritz," "Chuck Norris," and "Zombie Movies." The winner was "Things that annoy me." The topic of things that annoy me are horrible recent fashion trends. I hope you find this as enraging as I do!


1) Pop Yo' Coller and act like a tool!

Above is the picture of a typical “Popped Coller” douchebox. Nothing ignites blind rage inside of me like a guy w/ a pink shirt and a popped collar. The shear arrogance of it baffles me. Science has proven that popped collars have absolutely no aerodynamic advantages, and wearing bright pink (magents, purple, fuchsia, etc. have been deemed acceptable at this point) has only been proven to raise the chances of being punched in the face, and to stuff dudes on a regular basis. This guy in the picture above can be found in various frat parties and super-cool dance clubs, where he most likely will try and hit on the most inebriated girl possible. If you see someone like this out in public, immediately kick him in the junk at laugh at him!

Here’s an interesting article called “To Pop or Not to Pop:”



2) Ecstasy is a hell of a drug!

Definitely one of the worst fads of all time. If Rainbow Brite was to become a meth-head, this would probably be the result. The “Raver” look thankfully has died out the past couple of years, but anyone over the age of 3 who wore candy necklaces with a pacifier in his/her mouth needs to be put down. These cool guys/gals can be found in empty warehouses dancing to music that includes trash cans being banged in repetition and toilets flushing.

Click here for the Anti-Rave Site.


3) Gothikus Douchikus

If despair, self-loathing, and basically looking like a tool is what you’re going for, this is the look for you. The only people I remember to pull off the Goth look and make it look cool were The Crow and Sting (the wrestler, not the singer). These guys kind of got a bad rap after the whole Columbine thing, but if you've ever attempted to speak with one of these freaks you'll be completely annoyed. I will never forgive the Matrix for making this look seem "edgy" and cool. These folks can be found in their parents’ basements writing crappy poetry like this below:

“I weep at the blackness which envelops my soul;
Dost my toil remain un-noticed?
I am so
sad
so
torn between worlds of hate
and worlds of despair
I cannot reach for arms that are not there.
My mother
beautiful as she carried me in her womb
is black with dust
because
she made Mac 'n Cheese
for dinner
and I am above such things”

YIKES!!


4) "I'm not really a whore, but I want you to think I am!"

First, I'd like to say that I have absolutely no problem with the ladies out there with a "morally casual attitude." If it wasn't for loose women and Mike's Hard Lemonade, I might still be a virgin. However, the whole dressing like a slizut, but really having a boyfriend who's not around with no intention of cheating on him is absolutely ridiculous.. and downright rude! I'm sure you've seen these packs of taken women dancing together at a club. I think that this phenomenon is proof that a lot of women crave attention to whatever limit from men, but are disgusted when you make a not-so-subtle sexual advance at them. Or maybe I'm just disgusting!

and finally I've saved the worst for last...



5) These guys... there's not much that can be said that hasn't been already.

Redskins Fans Are Whiners

When the Packers lose, my way of dealing with it is to a) drink copious amounts of beer b) drunk dial girls that want absolutely nothing to do with me c) avoid any media outlet that discusses football at all costs. Last week's Bears game was especially irritating, due to the fact that I think we should have won handily. Well, we didn't so I moved on quickly to talking trash about the Skins.
From what I've seen so far, Redskins fans like to curl up on the couch with ice cream and a chick-flick, then post whiny video messages on Youtube. I'm a bigger fan of snarky internet blogs, but hey to each his own! I love how not one Redskins fan I've seen can give the Packers any credit. "We lost because Santana Moss sucks" or "We gave you the game" or "We got hosed on these penalties." True Moss did suck, but he's a player on your team, so isn't that kind of saying that your players suck? What kind of bullshit logic is that? You lost because you have players on your team that suck.. umm.. yeah thats the way it usually works. As far as penalties, you've gotta be kidding me. The Packers had two legitimate touchdowns taken from them. Thats not conjecture or me being a homer, its a fact, and Peter King even wrote about it right after the game. Both teams played sloppy ball, but the Packers locked it down at the end, period.
Here are some of the videos I found of Skins fans, some introspective, some angry.... enjoy!

This guy is just a whiny douche.. thats all I can say. I like how he ends the video though!



Dude here was actually a stand in for Mark Wahlberg in the unreleased "I'm a Wanna-Be Thug, but Live in the 'Burbs, yo!"



I can actually feel this guy's pain a little, he seems like a good dude. Still, the agony he's going through is pretty funny!



I'm saving the best for last. This guy split his bitching and moaning into two videos. I like how he's wearing a green sweatshirt illustrating him being "with envy." Whats up with the Mountain Dew he chugs at the beginning? He rambles on with pretty much no point. Everyone laugh at him!



By this time, Douchey McGee has gone through several emotions including denial, anger, and self-loathing. He's now moved on to absolute depression. Classic stuff! By the way, nice tight shirt asshole!

Flashback: Gotta Love Eagles Fans

I didn't plan on posting anything else tonight, but I had to share this. Apparently the three constants in life are death, taxes, and asshole Eagles fans. This guy has to be my favorite one. Anytime the Packers lose, go back and watch this video, you'll feel better. I found this gem on Youtube after the opening game victory against the Eagles. This is seriously one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
There's a lot of bad language so "EARMUFFS!"


Another gem from our boy "The Hater" after the Monday Night loss against the Redskins.



Oh the hits keep coming. Here's another has to be the best after the Eagles (or should I say the "flamingos") lost to the Giants. "The Hater" makes some good points about the Philly uniforms. This dude is plain awesome.



There are other videos by "phillypurge" of Youtube. Well done sir, well done..

Winning Ain't Easy

* Editor's note: Bobby O'Shea in no way shape or form is trying to disgrace Native Americans. Except for the Cherokees... those guys were pussies!

As you all know by now, the Packers found a way to overcome several obstacles and defeat the Natives 17-14. Above is an artists conception of yesterday's outcome (albeit an extremely creepy one). The obstacles that the Pack faced was (in no particular order):

1) Chris "Knocked up" Cooley: This guy was the Redskins entire offense in the 1st half. Bob Sanders quit doing whip-its during halftime and decided to put a defensive back on him.

2) Brett: Our boy dedicated yesterday's performance to Rex Grossman, by underthrowing two wide open receivers which led to two interceptions. He did have two Td's called back however, due to...

3) Terry McAuley & Co.: I'm completely convinced that every ref in the NFL hates the Packers. Are you friggin' kidding me with the phantom holding penalties and Bubba Franks catch that was rules out of bounds, when he was obviously pushed out (on an identical play last week where Greg Olsen of the Bears got the call)?!? Here's what Peter King had to say...

Goats of the Week

Referee Terry McAulay's crew at Green Bay-Washington, for an overall poor job and costing the Packers two legitimate touchdowns. First, there was a pathetic holding call on right tackle Mark Tauscher, negating one Favre touchdown pass; there was nothing close to a hold on the play. Last year, the officials were told not to call offensive holding unless it was something an official actually saw. Well, there's no way an official saw holding on Tauscher. Never happened. Then, a second Packers TD throw was negated when Bubba Franks cleanly caught a pass in the corner of the end zone with one foot down before getting driven out of the end zone by Washington cornerback Fred Smoot. Incomplete. Insane.

A special thanks goes out to Santana Moss, who took himself out of the game. Can you imagine a guy who's being paid millions of dollars a year telling his coach that he just didn't have it that day? Wow...
Well, we're 5-1, and firmly in 1st place thanks to Ryan Longwell? Did he seriously make a 55 yard field goal? Outdoors?!? I guess the whole blind squirrel finding a nut every once in a while thing is true! Its nice going into the bye week with a victory.. that means I can actually watch ESPN this week and enjoy a stress-free day this Sunday.

Chris Cooley's Team Picture

Saturday thoughts and Gettin' ready for the Natives

So the Badgers were dismantled today, but because I'm mostly a fair-weather poster I'm not going to go into it. Anyyyyyway, I'm not sure if any of you caught last night's game Hawaii at San Jose St. game, but it was one of the most entertaining Friday night games I've seen in a while. Unfortunately, Colt Brennan has some "John Fitzgerald Page" tendancies. He's got a pretty interesting story.. from being Matt Leinart's high school backup to being kicked out of Colorado (by none other then Gary Barnett) for trying to play "stinky fingers" with an uncooperative co-ed. Apparently because "goodbye" and "hello" are the same word, Brennan decided to take his services to Hawaii where he's been putting up ridiculous numbers. The guy might be a successful NFL QB, but with that shot-put style of throwing reminiscent of Kyle Boller, and his sexual/hair-cut decisions I'm not sure about him. I'm pretty sure I hate him already, which would make him an excellent fit with the Vikings or Bears.
Wow.. here's an update: LSU just lost to Kentucky. Geez, how many Top 10 teams have lost this year? The fans didn't run on the field too early like they did a couple years ago in the "Bluegrass Miracle" which I remember by the hilarious expression on the Kentucky fans' faces.




In other news, the Packers are in the Yukon fighting grizzly bears hand-to-hand in their usual toned-down Saturday walk-through for tomorrow's game against the Natives. I wonder if Justin Timberlake will be shot-gunning beer again with James Van Der Beek, outside of Lambeau. Yes, I'm serious. If you didn't catch this last week, Green Bay was a celebrity destination. Check out this pretty funny blog post over at Deadspin: The Packers Are Bringing Sexy Back. I'm not sure how I feel about this. These two brought a lot of pop-culture crapiness into my life, but if they are truly Packer fans maybe I won't hate them as much. You won't watch me listening to anything from "FutureSex/LoveSounds" or singing that crappy theme song from Dawson's Creek. Varsity Blues was pretty rad, though. That Tweeter was a character!
So on to the Skins... I think this will be a pretty tough test for the Pack, and it would kill me to see us lose our second game in the row going into the bye week. I still haven't decided who I should root for in the Vikings/Bears game, but one of them will lose so thats awesome!
Alright I'm out, I'll think of something smartass to post tomorrow.

John Fitzgerald Page: The Douche is strong with this one

Before I delve into this, I'm going to let all of you know that this has absolutely NOTHING to do with football.. but Jesus Christ its friggin' hilarious so I decided to share.
For those of you who weren't privy to this gem that has been forwarded on to pretty much everyone in the nation the past two days, I'd like to introduce you to a guy who makes all of those Redskins I made fun of the other day look like the raddest dudes on the planet. This man's name is John Fitzgerald Page.
Here's the lowdown... this is taken completely in context from Gawker.com.. heres the link under "Nightmare Online Dater John Fitzgerald Page Is The Worst Person In The World." Apparently a jaded anonymous broad from Match.com had an interesting message exchange with the douchiest douche in the galaxy, after she "winked" at him (I guess thats how dames initiate contact over there). Here is the exact transcript that she sent out to pretty much every popular blog around:

"So I winked at this guy on Match. Should have known better considering his screen name was "IvyLeagueAlum." He responds with the following email...

I live in a 31 story high rise condominium, right in the middle of the Buckhead nightlife district. Do you ever come to this area of town to shop/go out/visit/explore?

I went to an Ivy League school - the University of Pennsylvania - for my undergraduate degree in economics and my graduate degree in management (Wharton School of Business). Where did you go to school?

What activities do you currently participate in to stay in shape? I work out 4 times a week at LA Fitness. Do you exercise regularly? I am 6 feet tall, 185 pounds - what about yourself? I am truly sorry if that sounds rude, impolite or even downright crass, but I have been deceived before by inaccurate representations so I prefer someone be upfront and honest on initial contact...

I do mergers & acquisitions (corporate finance) for Limited Brands (Bath & Body Works, Victoria's Secret, etc). Enjoy any of our stores/divisions?

Do you have any other recent pictures you care to share? I have many others if you care to see them.

Regards,

John
[email redacted]

"So," the lady writes, "I in turn send him a polite "No Thanks" thru the Match system which sends him the following email: 'Thanks for writing to me, but unfortunately, we're just not a good match. Good luck in your search! Our Portraits didn't match on: A. Personality'" A spurned and brokenhearted John wrote back, less robotically but no less douchily.

I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to impress ME and pass MY criteria and standards - not vice versa. 6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape. I am a trainer on the side, in fact, I am heading to the gym in 26 minutes!

So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don't blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel's Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren't any more of those!

Regards,

John

Alright.. so I composed myself before the snarky comments commenced, but after taking a gander at his personal website, I couldn't withstand the power of the douche any longer. Take a look for yourself at http://www.johnfitzgeraldpage.com.
For those of you too lazy to go over there, I've got to tell you this is comedy gold. If you could imagine someone who looked like the illegitimate love child of Fred Flintstone and a Silverback Gorilla, you'd have your guy. I'll give you a couple of highlights.. but there are so so many. There are these amazing pictures in his "Fitness Section," where he pretty much looks like he's taking a crap. He has a "Skills" section ala Napoleon Dynamite (unfortunately no nunchuck skills) and even brags about meeting Luke Perry! The pictures from all of the "feature films" he's been in are coincidentally all of Fitzie (yes I'm on a nickname basis with him now) in the background. Hmm... extra maybe?
So besides inventing gravity and dogs.. Fitzie had a chance to post a rebuttal to everyone out there today on the front page of his website. In case he's taken it down by the time you read this, here it is kiddos:

"A note from "THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD". Stalin. Hitler. Bin Laden. John Fitzgerald Page. Somehow, I am ranked at #1. My crime - murder? treason? pedophilia? rape? No, worse. A woman winked at me on the internet. I sent her an introductory email. She tried to rescind her initial wink by saying we weren't a "personality" match . She ascertained that from my first email without ever speaking to me. Here is my crime. Instead of just letting her float away, I let her know that I feel that if you approach me, you should meet my standards and listed facts about myself.

She took this personal email, sent to her only, and sent it out to everyone in America. In turn, every blog in America has vilified me. I am being threatened with bodily harm, told to kill and neuter myself, that I am a douchebag, etc. My phone rings and email hums day and night, even the New York Times has called (Is this really an noteworthy news story)?. People feel it is okay to post my phone number, address and personal email in attack blogs.

Let me ask you this? Which friend would you rather have - a straight shooter who doesn't waste your time, or someone who can take any PRIVATE email, phone call or letter and put it out there to the world if you cross them? Anyone of you could be in my shoes overnight. Do you feel you have any expectation of privacy when you talk on the phone, send someone an email or a letter? I do. I did not threaten her in any way.

Let me give you a tip about internet dating. Men lie about their height. Women lie about their weight. Typically, you approach people above your standards. I am looking for someone who is educated and who takes care of themselves. That is all.

All of the facts on this website are true. I am not Alexsey Vayner, there are no videos on here of me hitting tennis balls at 200 mph! Just because you can't find it, haven't heard about it, can't see it or don't know about it doesn't mean it did not happen. This is a website for my SIDE career, acting/modeling. I know I am not Brad Pitt. But Mr. Whipple gets work too! All types are needed, and I am struggling like any other person in this business. I like to be on the movie set, meeting the stars, learning how movies are made, and especially eating all the craft service! In my real career, all I need is a resume and a degree. In this world, you are a piece of meat. Current pictures of body and face are needed (I have done casting). They need to know what you have done in the past. This website allows me to showcase all of my work in one place and is used to get jobs in this field.

I graduated from Penn. I took my name out of the database to avoid donation solicitations. It is the oldest UNIVERSITY, not college in the country. I am not gay, although I do try to dress nicely. This is, unfortunately, my real hair. My statistics are just that - facts about me. If I said I drove a Pinto, went to community college and worked as a bag boy, would everyone be so upset? I am not jealous of others. All of my friends have something better than I do, they are smarter, more educated, more cultured, etc. I try to take the best of others and learn from people that are doing better than I am.

I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. I have no emotional I.Q. I am not much of a decorator. I am an orphan. I went to a mediocre public high school in Ohio. I weighed 140 lbs. in high school. I come from a loving family - my dad (who died when I was 10) did 3 tours of 'Nam, received 2 Purple Hearts and a Silver Star during 19 years in the Army. My mom (she just died 2 years ago) worked the same job for 30 years. I have no siblings or grandparents and have been on my own since 17. I have no one to fall back on, so I have to be aggressive and go for my dreams - I can't rely on anyone else. We all have that instinctual survival mechanism. I can't love anyone else if I don't love myself first.

I understand the psychology is to be angry at me. But when you think about it, do you want every single PRIVATE thing you write or say to be put out to the universe? That would be a scary, politically correct world.

Every single piece of my life has been put up for scrutiny. I only ask this - do you feel the punishment is worth the crime? An overnight internet pariah for sending a girl a personal email? Everything I have ever worked for in my life has been sullied in one day, by one person. Before you cast the next stone - would you like your life ruined over anything you have ever said or written? My reputation is all I have. It has been severely damaged and can never be repaired. I cannot fight an overwhelming army of bloggers. My future grandkids will be able to read about this on the internet 50 years from now. This is the time when my true friends will step forward.

Inside, I am a good person. I am generous with my friends. I am friendly, outgoing and funny. I take people on face value. I can be abrasive and obnoxious at times - I admit that. Animals and children love me (maybe because I don't have any). I am constantly using my connections to help others. I don't smoke or do drugs. I basically leave people be, as I do not believe life is a zero sum game.

The public hanging of me is making many of you happy. The catch-22 for you is that no publicity is bad publicity. I am getting offers for things - movies, books, TV shows. I have turned down every request. This is not a joke. Don't let this happen to you. Anything you ever write or say can be used against you and can turn your life from normal into a living hell. I think all of this venom should be saved for terrorist, rapists, murderers etc. All I ask is that you put my "crime" in proper perspective. I sent a not very nice private email to someone. That is all."

So is he trying to make us feel bad that at the age of 42, he became an orphan? Does that mean my grandparents are orphans? I did my own research and to prove that he should be a spokesman for Summer's Eve his quote on Myspace is: "Mensa member with muscles." Link Here. There are so many good jokes here, and this post is already way too long so I'll let this marinate a bit and maybe revisit later!

P.S. I do have his email address and phone number, but don't want him to German Suplex my ass all the back to Atlanta, so for the sake of my spinal cord I won't release it right now.

P.P.S. Do you think this guy's a Vikings fan??

Hating Your Enemy: Redskins Edition

Considering the fact that the Pack rarely plays the Redskins, there isn't much of a rivalry between the two teams. I guess you can still be ticked off about Lombardi leaving to coach the Skins in 1969, but that's old news. For those of you who aren't familiar with the Redskins' organization, they have a solid fan-base and are usually competitive. Out of all the teams in the NFC East, I have to admit that I like the Skins the most. However, leaving it at that is no fun at all, so I'm going to list some Redskins D-Bags, and why you should hate them! After all, hating your enemy makes the game that much more fun!

D-Bag #1: Dan Snyder (Owner)

I am completely convinced that "Douchey Dan" is the result of a clone between the DNA of George Steinbrenner and Jerry Jones. He pays sub-par free agents way too much money, and even though his moves don't benefit the team like he thinks it will, his free spending has contributed to guys like Adam Archuleta thinking they're worth a helluva lot more then they are. The most damning evidence of Mr. Snyder's douche-baggery is this picture with Tom "Xenu" Cruise.










D-Bag #2: Sean Taylor (Safety)

Sean Taylor is a typical University of Miami asshole. Sure he's been arrested a couple times for brandishing a weapon and drunk driving, but thats not what gets him on this list. His D-Bag designation is mostly due to his nickname "Meast." "Meast" supposedly means "Half Man - Half Beast." This is probably the worst nickname of all time, just below "The Big Unit." I'd be willing to bet its short for "Half Man - Half Yeast."

D-Bag #3: Clinton Portis aka Kid Bro Sweets (Running Back)

Several years ago, the Redskins weren't playing well. In response to this, did Clinton Portis call a team meeting or call anyone out in the media like someone on the Giants would do? Hell no, this man is a professional! Instead, he decided to invent a new alter-ego every week, and.. you know what I'm just going to let you see it for yourself. A picture says a thousand words. Yikes!







D-Bag #4: Chris Cooley

Chris Cooley is a solid, Pro-Bowl caliber tight-end. If it wasn't for his sense of style, and the fact that most girls think he's hot outright annoys the hell out of me, I might actually like the guy. This is a picture of him wearing some nut-huggers that even John Stockton could appreciate. That, plus the whitey 'fro make him an excellent candidate for random slaps in the face.

Mahna Mahna

I decided to spice up the blog a little bit with a new banner and different layout style. I'm sure you're all thrilled. I removed the half-naked past out girl because it was a little too creepy. I'm also going to be adding some ads on here, but I'll make sure that they don't get in the way of the my mindless postings. If you're considering advertising on a website you have set-up, I'd recommend http://www.blogvertise.com.
Alright unless you haven't figured it out yet, its the random post of the week. For those of you who are like me and can't bear to watch ESPN or open up a sports section after a Packers loss, you have to find other ways of being entertained until the next game rolls around. So thats what this is all about... any ideas yet?
Of course I could write about how the United States Congress decided to commend Brett Favre. For what you ask? I'm not sure, I didn't take time to read the article, but I'm sure it has something to do with being a badass. How about other programs to watch on TV? I recommend the new season of Showtime Original Series. Weeds, Dexter, and Californication are all extremely rad. What about other sports? Well the only thing remotely interesting about the Baseball playoffs was the eventual Yankee choke, but thats unfortunately over. If none of those ideas excite you, look at the "Random Linkage" section to the right where I've scoured the internet for information on the most important things out there (besides the Pack of course): Chuck Norris, Indie Rock, and Zombies. You know what? I'm going to fall back on old reliable.... random Sesame Street videos. The following classic is circa 1976. Enjoy!

Bong Hits for Brett!

I found this guy on Youtube. His voice sounds eerily similar to Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs (you know, the "put the lotion on its skin" guy). Anyway, this fine gentleman rips off bong hits and posts them on Youtube for every Packers win, and in this case Brett Favre's 420th touchdown pass. I got a kick out of it, so I sent him a message asking if it was cool to post his video on my blog, and he just wrote back "laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame." Not quite as lame as smoking ganja in your personal slave dungeon, but this guy gets an A+ for effort and ingenuity!

I Demand a Recount!

Alright, well apparently the Packers decided to give the Bears a victory last night for some reason. I've seen a lot of games and I can honestly say that I've never in my life seen a team clearly better then the other completely trip over their own feet. The Packers played well on defense and made early plays on offense, only to inexplicably fumble the ball 1,000 times and STILL stay in the game. By the way, that call on Corey Williams for lining up on the center was horseshit. I'm pretty pissed about the game, but oh well, we're 4-1 and there's still no way the Bears sniff the playoffs this year. Now if we can only keep James Jones from fumbling the ball we'll be fine. If you make that many mistakes and still have a shot to win at the end, you know that you're a pretty good football team.
On a positive note, Deshawn Wynn looked solid. If he can stop having menstrual cramps, or whatever was bothering him, I think we may have our starter. So far this season, I've wondered how the Pack would respond to losing a game (especially one against such an inferior opponent).. so now we'll see. This is the time of year to work out the kinks in your game. The running game made an appearance last night, and overall we have a damn good team. Lets beat the Skins to go 5-1 into the bye week!

GO PACK!

Kick 'em while they're down

Welcome to Bears week. Recently that statement sounded as enticing as "Welcome to your prostate exam!" Due to the unproportioned asskicking that Green Bay has dished out to our furry friends from 92-04, Chicago became more of a nostalgic tradition then competitive series. In fact, most Green Bay fans would agree that the Vikings became our biggest rivals during that time. Unfortunately, the Packers front office was out taking a dump a couple years ago, while the Bears became a solid team. The Bears fans of course, took the run of luck with their normal air of arrogance and douchebaggery. The only thing I can compare it to Kevin Bacon's character in Animal House. The only thing missing is the fruity looking beanie cap he wears.

In a wonderful turn of events this year, the Bears are back where they belong.. in the cellar of our division and wrestling mediocrity with the best of them! I wonder what it smells like down there? From the whiff we got of it in '05 I'd say it reeks of Lions fans and ass. I say we keep them down there and feed them fish heads. "But Bobby, we're classy Packers fans. Don't boo the Bears, cheer on the Pack!" Of course I'll cheer on the Pack, but I have absolutely no problem kicking the Bears while their down. In fact, I hope the Pack comes out with no remorse and rips out every bit of pride, credibility, and hope in the hearts of Chicago. Yes, Green Bay is supposed to be a shining example of chivalry in the NFL. But damnit, I hate my enemy and I'm proud of it. I'm all for going out for the opening coin toss, and Brett Favre giving Brian Urlacher a Chuck Norris style roundhouse kick to the side of the head. Get Tim Harris out of retirement and have him separate someones shoulder. Clone Charles Martin and give the man a new hit list!
I've gotta admit.. I'm going to miss the Sex Cannon himself, Mr. Rex Grossman. It was like Lovie Smith didn't realize that he had a starting quarterback from the University of Florida! Everyone knows that doesn't work! In a show of solidarity, I will buy and frame a Rex Grossman jersey, and mount it on th wall next to my prized Anthony Dilweg jersey. I'll close this with a video dedicated to the every true Packers fan's favorite Chicago Bears quarterback: Rex Grossman.

I Love You Scarlett Johansson!

I wasn't planning on posting anything today (I'm putting my game-face on for Bears week), but I came across this picture on Packerforum.com.
I don't know if Ms. Johansson is a football fan or a Packers fan, but wow. This may just be "Ms. Green Bay Broad 2007." They say she's proudly promiscuous, which I think is just super. I'm sure I have zero chance, but there's something about her that screams "I'm willing to make a mistake after seven margaritas and an ulta-hip indie movie." Scarlett.. call me!