Epic Battle: Diabetes vs. Neckbeard

It was the spring of 2009, and war was beginning...



Out of the Rocky Mountains emerged a man with a curse. That curse, known as "The Beetus" by Liberty Medical, kept his face in a semi-permanent frown. After confronting his curse, a case of sandy vagina syndrome drove him to self-exile. His new coach demanded action.



From the pits of the midwest's great urban jungle resided a man. Not just any man, but a man who's neck stayed warm from the fur that inhabited it. His slovenly neckbeard was aa wild untamed wilderness, that was only surpassed by the drunken nights fueled by Phish and dirty hippy sex. Kyle Orton was that man. Websites were spawned to rebuke the Neckbeard, and the fans demanded action.

There can be only one, boy and girls... the battle is on. Here's the tale of the tape.

Neckbeard

Advantages: General numbness to physical pain, unbelievable stamina, warm protective fur

Achilles Heel: Terrible arm, Jack Daniels, Foghat, little/no talent, Che Guevara t-shirts, crunchy tunes," double-vision, patchuoli oil

Diabetes

Advantages: 'Tard rage, he's all gun sling-y, Wilford Brimley, John Elway hates him
Achilles Heel: Emo music, boar hunting, pixie sticks, poor circulation, razor blades, cupcakes




I guy can dream, can't he?


It ends like this... there can be only NONE!