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Epic Battle: Diabetes vs. Neckbeard

It was the spring of 2009, and war was beginning...



Out of the Rocky Mountains emerged a man with a curse. That curse, known as "The Beetus" by Liberty Medical, kept his face in a semi-permanent frown. After confronting his curse, a case of sandy vagina syndrome drove him to self-exile. His new coach demanded action.



From the pits of the midwest's great urban jungle resided a man. Not just any man, but a man who's neck stayed warm from the fur that inhabited it. His slovenly neckbeard was aa wild untamed wilderness, that was only surpassed by the drunken nights fueled by Phish and dirty hippy sex. Kyle Orton was that man. Websites were spawned to rebuke the Neckbeard, and the fans demanded action.

There can be only one, boy and girls... the battle is on. Here's the tale of the tape.

Neckbeard

Advantages: General numbness to physical pain, unbelievable stamina, warm protective fur

Achilles Heel: Terrible arm, Jack Daniels, Foghat, little/no talent, Che Guevara t-shirts, crunchy tunes," double-vision, patchuoli oil

Diabetes

Advantages: 'Tard rage, he's all gun sling-y, Wilford Brimley, John Elway hates him
Achilles Heel: Emo music, boar hunting, pixie sticks, poor circulation, razor blades, cupcakes




I guy can dream, can't he?


It ends like this... there can be only NONE!

Why Twitter exists

From the Incredible Bulk himself, Tony Mandarich, after the NCAA final.

You can all start laughing.. wait.. wait.. wait....... ok NOW!

Marty B?

This has no relevance to the Pack, but amazing relevance to laughing at the Cowboys, which in turn is always relevant (follow me?). Per ProFootballTalk, Martellus Bennett is quite the wordsmith. Instead of covering up his lack of writing talent (ala Yours Truly) with YouTube videos, "Marty B" is a big fan of terrible, terrible rapping (is there any other kind?). After profanity laced "rhymes" and an IQ in the range of 30-40, the Dallas Morning News took the logical next step: give the guy a blog! Here are some um.... highlights:

“Have you ever went on a date and the girl didn’t look as good as you remember? This really sucks! Yesterday my friend went to meet a girl at the movies he had met at the bar two nights before. We all know once you have a few drinks everything seems to look better it’s what we call the Grey Goose affect. LOL (laugh out loud).”

“Well anyways he goes to the movies to meet this woman when he gets there I recieve several text messages about how cute she isn’t and it couldn’t be the same girl. . . . Instead of leaving he orders popcorn, sour patches and two big 44oz drinks and proceeds into the movie finds them a seat and begins to sip his drink. He watches the previews and tells her that they need to go see one of the future movies in the previews if they ever go to the movie together again and smiles. Then he goes ‘man this is some strong stuff it is going straight threw me I have to go to the restroom.’ Gets up and walks all the way to his car gets in it starts it and leaves. Hahaha. Didn’t tell her bye or anything just left. Now that’s funny but is truly messed up.”

“Man what do you do if your chic farts? It doesn’t seem as if women should fart. I was walking in the grocery store in the chips and dips aisle. This lady was walking in front of me pushing her cart she stopped to pick up some pringles and let one rip. Sounded like a growl and and a motor but smelt like a dead carcus.

“I guess women have to let go at times too but it just doesn’t seem right, but if they do then it shouldn’t smell or make a sound. I mean come on if you were on a date with Angelina Jolie a lunch date eating
spaghetti and pancakes or whatever it is people eat in Hollywood and as she’s feeding you she farts. Do you let her slide because of her beauty or call her out?”

Bravo.. sir.. bravo.

Thatta boy, Aaron

Via Packers Lounge, Railbird Central, and TMZ.  Chick has the shortest mini skirt ever.  

Quote of the day

"Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein."
- Joe Theismann